One Light Burns Out in Singapore...

(Brittney Dimond and Jack Daynes; snuggling on Easter Sunday at our house!)

Saturday morning, April 3

It started out like any other typical Saturday for us. Carson had a t-ball game, Bailey had a softball game and Sammy had a basketball game. After Carson's t-ball game I took Carson & Jack to an Easter Egg Hunt over at a friend's apartment complex. I received a phone call from Mike while at the egg hunt. It was one of those phone calls that you never want to get. When Mike asked me if I was sitting down and I could hear shakiness in his voice so I knew that the news was bad. It was very bad...our dear friend Michelle Dimond had passed away that morning, unexpectedly; leaving her husband and 6 children behind. 6 children between the ages of 9-17.
It's been 2 1/2 weeks now since that phone call and I feel like my life has been altered forever. The last 2 1/2 weeks have been full of learning experiences that I never expected to go through. I'll relate a few of them and I hope that I can capture everything for how it really was.
On that first day I stayed at the Easter egg hunt for a while so I could take phone calls while Carson and Jack swam in our friend's pool. Then I went into accomplishment mode. While Mike went over to the Dimond's house to be with Michelle's husband Norm...I went to the Swiss Butcher to pick up a huge ham. With the following day being Easter Sunday I knew that I would have a big group to feed. After I got the ham and some extra groceries I dropped the stuff and my boys at home and rushed over to the Dimond's house to see what I could do. There were people from the U.S. Embassy standing around outside the house, as well as the U.S. Ambassador to Singapore. There were adults only as the kids had been sent over to a friend's home down the street where a "cry house" had been established. My girls were over there as well as all 6 Dimond kids and their friends.
When I walked into the cry house it was the saddest thing I'd ever seen! Each kid was surrounded by their group of friends and they were either crying or their eyes were red from so many hours of crying. The two oldest kids came right up to me and gave me the longest hugs ever. It was like they saw a piece of their mom when I walked in the door.
We took our girls home and they had the nerve to get into a fight on the way home. As soon as I said "not today of all days" everyone pretty much got the message that they better shut it fast.
I stayed up for hours stuffing Easter eggs; hundreds of Easter eggs since we decided to take our hunt over to the Dimond's house for the next morning. Somehow in all the stuffing of the Easter eggs I officially ended Sammy's childhood and told her in not so many words that I was the Easter bunny but that I would never admit it ever again. She knew but just had never heard it out loud before. So, more tears ensued. Makes sense since it was a day of crying anyway.
Easter

Easter Sunday

I went over to the Dimond's at 7:15 am Sunday morning and then Mike brought the kids over at 9:00am. It was raining cats and dogs and monkeys from the sky so we had the egg hunt in the house and under their house, where it was covered. As I was hiding the eggs by the hamster cage I realized that the hamster wasn't moving. It was definitely dead. Are you kidding me? I was hoping no one would notice as I got their maid to dispose of it. No such luck there everyone noticed and luckily didn't care. Turns out it was Michelle's hamster. Huh.
It was heart-breaking watching the kids wake up and some of them bust into tears all over again, hoping that the previous day was just a bad dream. Poor Cassidy (16 years old)! She is just beside herself with pain.
Sunday at church was more crying. Norm wasn't there b/c he had to go take care of logistical stuff. However, my friend Caroline drove their 6 kids there and they sat together on a row in the back. It was not their usual row...
It was fast & testimony meeting so Mike and I bore our testimonies and cried the entire time, looking out at those 6 red-eyed kids.
Tiffany, the 9 year-old came up and bore her testimony. She said that she never usually bears her testimony b/c she's too scared to but her mom has always encouraged her to so she did it today for her mom. Her big sister escorted her up to the front, waited for her, and then took her back to her seat. There wasn't a dry eye in the congregation...
After church we all headed to our house for an Easter dinner. We had the Robison's and the Dimond's over. The big ham came in handy and we had a ton of it left. More tears on the couch while waiting for dinner and lots of hugs. Tender moments and moments of laughter were there in between the tears though. Mike told the kids that they were always welcome to come to our house after school if they wanted to and Tiffany was welcome to spend the night more often with Bailey.

Monday, April 5

Today I set up meal schedules for the Dimond's, talked to Norm several times on the phone about what I could do to help, started planning for the Singapore Memorial Service and organized people to go with me to dress Michelle in her temple clothes for her to be shipped to the U.S. I went over to the Dimond's to drop off a meal that a friend had made for them and then I picked up all of the items from the family to go in the casket with their mom. Each child had written a "goodbye" letter to her and prepared an item to put into the casket. So, everyone showed me what they had for her and then I took it with me to go down to put in Michelle's casket. Norm had a small vase that they had searched all over Italy for together, Brittney had _____, Cassidy had a shirt that her mom loved, Haley had ______, Zach had a shirt, Wesley had a shirt that his mom had always hated that he was giving up wearing now and Tiffany had a photo of herself and a toothbrush. They also had an empty diet coke bottle to put in with her and a family photo. (Norm had photocopied all of the letters)
I finally got down to the Singapore Casket Company at 8:00pm, only to find out that the body wasn't ready. Apparently, it needed to drain for 8 hours so it wouldn't have been a good time to put the clothing on her. However, we sat next to Michelle's body and I tried to read the letters from her children out loud. This was probably the hardest and most heart-wrenching thing that I've ever done. Can you even imagine what 6 children say in a letter to their mom when they are telling her goodbye? They all said things like, "I wish I had told you more that I loved you. I wish I had told you how much I appreciated all you did for me. I wish I had been a better son or daughter. I wish that this wasn't really happening...because it's a nightmare. Losing you was my worst nightmare come true and now I am living it. How are we ever going to live without you? Dad says we're screwed. I'm sorry I got you sick. I will try to be a better man." I was crying too much so I had to turn it over to my friend Sarah to read them. I didn't even make it through the first letter I was crying so hard. The only letter that I didn't read was her husband's b/c I felt that I should respect his privacy on that one...
I can't sleep any more because I wake up at 3, 4 or 5:00 every morning with one of those letters running through my head or the look on one of the kid's faces that I've seen over the last 3 days.

Tuesday, April 6

This morning I headed back to the casket company at 10:00am. I had her clothes and an iron with me. This time we were in a better room with Michelle's body and with 2 of the workers there. They actually helped us dress her. She was almost completely wrapped in plastic b/c of her autopsy and apparently that is necessary for shipping overseas. I was honored to get to have this experience to assist in Michelle's last earthly needs, but it was hard. For me, it just didn't seem like Michelle. I've learned now that your spirit is really who you are. Michelle just wasn't Michelle anymore.
After we dressed her two of us waited downstairs for the workers to place her in the casket and do her make-up. We wanted to make sure she looked OK before she left and also place all of the letters in with her for the journey. After they did her make-up she didn't look the same to me so I called Norm and told him to be sure to bring her red lipstick with him to Alabama, as well as make sure the funeral home on the other end touches up her make-up so it looks more like her. Norm told me later that the funeral home in the U.S. did a much better job with the make-up but that he had to focus on her hands at her viewing b/c it still just wasn't Michelle. My friend Shelly, who went to the funeral, also told me that Norm's letter was rolled up and in her hand at the viewing, so the funeral home must have done that too...
Wednesday, April 7
The Dimond's left for Alabama early that morning for the funeral. They had a military funeral for her where Norm actually played "Taps" on his trumpet at the end of the ceremony.
For the next two weeks I worked on the Memorial Service. Norm left me with this job in tears over the phone as he said he needed to leave and would have to turn this over to me while he was gone. The only speaker he asked for was me so I got to plan a Memorial Service for my friend while keeping in mind that I'd need to get up in front of those 7 red-eyed family members, who would no doubt be on the front row staring up at me with those same looks of pain that I've seen on their faces the last 4 days...just great!

Here's what the Memorial Service program looked like:

Welcome: Bishop Nef
>
>> Opening Hymn: Page 111, Rock of Ages
>
>> Opening Prayer: Mary Bywater
>
>> Eulogy: Michael Magonigal (Michelle's father)
>
>> Musical Number: Draw Near Unto Me - by Singapore 1st Ward Choir led by Danielle Lesser
>
>> Remarks: Becky Daynes

> Remarks: Monique Bellevue-Little

>> Musical Number: "Beautiful Savior" - Ingrid Kempanaers, Mindy Lobb, Brenda Bohn,
> Samantha Daynes, Bailey Daynes, Meredith Lobb, Maggie Lobb, Kierica McPherson, Kasia McPherson, Tiffany Dimond, Grace Little, Michal Tolk, Anna Robison & Sophie Robison; accompanied by Rebecca Petersen

> Remarks: Mike Daynes

> Remarks: Sarah Furner

Musical Number: Abide With Me 'Tis Eventide (hymn #165); violin solo by Young-Choon Lee

> Closing Remarks: Glen O'Grady (plan of Salvation)

>> Closing Hymn: page 300, Families Can Be Together Forever

>> Benediction: Ed Bywater

I think Michelle would have loved it.
Everyone's talks were the best that they have ever given. I spoke directly to the children as only a mother could and related to everyone things that I had talked to Michelle's kids about that they were feeling about their mom and then talked to them about continuing to do the important things that Michelle had taught them. This talk brought on all the tears.

Then a friend of Michelle's from her neighborhood talked about being a military wife.

The choir never sounded better...

The next musical number was so amazing...Tiffany started it off with a short solo before all of the other girls joined in. They sang Beautiful Savior with this gorgeous descant...it was amazing!

Then Mike gave this awesome talk on LOVE and told all these funny stories about Michelle in between so he had the audience laughing and crying all at the same time.

Then our friend Sarah gave a great talk about working with Michelle in young women's.

And Pres. O'Grady topped it all off with the MOST AMAZING talk I have ever heard on the plan of salvation. Holy cow...it was better than any general authority's talk from the last conference...I'm not even kidding!

The last musical number by Sis. Lee set the reverent tone for Pres. O'Grady's talk too.

It really was such an awesome evening. The support from SAS was amazing. All of the principals, kid's teachers and counselors were there to support the family.

I did cry through most of my talk but somehow I managed to talk and cry at the same time which turned out fine. There weren't many dry eyes in the audience after my talk. I had warned Michelle's kids before the service started that I was going to make all of them cry. They did all cry through my talk. I was glad that I directed my talk toward them and used their own words to describe their mom. I think that they were glad to be represented...

Mike and I have received several thank you notes in the mail from people in the community apologizing to us for our loss and we are not even the family. Many people at the school the next few days after the service commented to us that it was the nicest Memorial Service that they had ever attended. Michelle's influence really stretched far and wide on this little island and you could tell by how many people attended her Memorial Service.

I had food ordered for 350 people which is probably just about how many people were there...

Now that all of the funerals and services for Michelle are over her husband is really trying to have the kids continue their routines again. It would appear that they are all doing fine as they are all out and about and busy again. I know that in their quiet moments though her family, the kids especially, are going to have a hard time for a long time. It hasn't even been a month yet since she passed away and I'm still having my daily cry. I know the older kids are still really struggling too.

My family really appreciated me for one whole week. They were loving me so much after seeing those 7 family members in pain for 2 whole days. However, it has worn off now and life is back to normal at our house but I still want to follow Michelle's example and be a better mom to my kids. That is probably the biggest thing that she taught me. Although she was involved in so many different things her priority was always with her husband and kids and she served them tirelessly. She's truly an inspiration! Goodbye dear friend...thank you for giving me a second chance to be a better person!!!